I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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