I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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