I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
