i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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