My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
