you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
