Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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