What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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