I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
