Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
