ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
