went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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