Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
