also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
