hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
high people should be assigned attendants
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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