I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
