Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
