yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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