He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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