Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
