I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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