Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
