He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
