He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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