Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If that was your dad, he is hot
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
