i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
