Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
