its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
