i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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