I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
