mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
