You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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