Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
420 ftw
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
