I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
