no. you can't hotbox the world.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
