She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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