I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
