I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
