i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
