its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
