Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
