I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
