We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
