yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Two words: blizzard sex
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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