toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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