I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
