Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
