at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it glows. i had to have it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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