So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
