Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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