at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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