so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
