There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
