White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
