i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
