I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
