No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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