Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
