I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
