I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
