the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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