so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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