I wanna bring you to show and tell
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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