woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
