Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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