garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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