The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
