Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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