I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
