she looked like the bat from fern gully.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
