I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
