her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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