And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
