are you still at the devil's house?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
